Steven's Crisis
by PeepTheCheezit
Summary: CRACK FIC! Steven has trouble in the bathroom.


Steven sat on the toilet with his phone, he was playing Flappy Bird, when he lost it helped him poop, his face would turn bright red and a rumbling sound would slip out of his anus."Pearl ugh!" steven groaned as he tried to squeeze a chunky turd out, he pushed so hard that for steven's sixth time he activated his shield, it made him jump so a tiny fragment of the turd splashed so hard into the toilet that cold water splashed up on his plump butt cheek, it had been red for a while because Steven had been stuck on this turd for so long that it had hardened.

The shield disappeared, his pushing had softened and the shitty water kissing his butt had given him a sense of satisfaction, but break time was over he had to try to get this devil out of his asshole, "Garnet! Can you get me my Poopy Juicy! ughgggghhh!" Steven screeched about ready to take his bare hands to his bare butt and pull his new bundle of joy out.

One of the gems had to stand outside of the door every time Steven got constipated they had to cheer him on, or it's just Pearl being paranoid of Rose's gem popping off of Steven or it being cracked because of how hard he pushed.

15 minutes later Steven made progress he managed to get the top and the middle and now the end of Satan's curse out of him, the end of the turd was big and tapered and had the most peanuts in it, they are sharp Steven can tell when they scrape the sides of his hairy anus, a few moments later Garnet arrived at the door with Pearl, they made him a special concoction called the Poopy Juicy, it has pickle juice, ex-lax, prunes, crushed kiwi, grounded up popcorn, a few flax seeds,a blend of orange oatmeal rice and aloe juice in a smoothie,the cup that it was in saying you can do it! and a side of mush that had mashed up beans, green beans, spinach, and coffee yogurt in a bowl that says don't give up, on it. "Steven we brought you your tray of pooping products!" Garnet said knocking on the door. The door cracked open and there stood Peridot, holding both hands out to take the tray Garnet handed it to her, Peridot shut the door and walked over to Steven and gently placed the tray on his knees.

As soon as she did, he started gobbling down when he finished he licked his lips and said,"you gotta love ya some poopy juicy!" Then handed the tray back to Peridot, she set the tray down and looked at Steven who was shaking intensity. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhugggggggggggghh!" Steven howled as shit blew out of his butt hole, his butt cheeks had never been separated this far away before, so much shit was blowing out of his butt the toilet started shaking which scared Steven everything was a blur for him, his breakfast, lunch and dinner shot rapidly in thick lumpy foul squirts in to the toilet which now had liquid poop covering the seat.

Peridot jumped into the shower and pulled the curtain in front of her as a shield. When all the yelling coming from a boy who had just broke a record of longest shit in the UNIVERSE stopped she peeked her head out to check on the boy whose anal cavity was probably severely damaged, he fell to the floor his butt still leaking brown liquid he pulled himself up by the rim of the toilet with the rest of the strength he had in him, it was a struggle, but he managed to peer over the rim of the shit covered he saw horrified him so much that he gagged and rolled to the ground picking up some shit on his cloths. Peridot saw Steven's butt she assumed that it had attacked him, and as a good gem she had to act fast and remembered what Steven taught her, she grabbed the towel, got it wet and started whipping it "nehnehnehneh thats what you get for hurting my Steven!" Peridot laughed "Peridot ah! thats ow! a eek! piece ouch! of ahhh! my body!" Steven said in pain. Paridot went over to see the turd swimming in ass juice,"awwww it's a miniature Steven it looks just like you! paridot said "oooooooooooooooooh! get rekt Steven!" Amythist cakled as she stepped out of the corner, "were you there the whole time!" Steven said embarrassed "yup! hahahahaha!" Amythist laughed, Pearl walked into the bathroom, she horked at the scene then cleaned the shit up, "THIS IS WHY I DON'T EAT! it's horrible! It's madness! It's GROSS!" Pearl cried flushing the toilet and wiping the last glop of poop up off the toilet and the floor. When Steven could stand up, he limped into the bath and put the rim of his butt hole on the faucet to clean and soothe his ass. He pushed back onto the head of the faucet, forcing it up his butt hole. He accidentally turned the water all the way up. he didn't know what to expect when the water reached his butt ring, butt when it did he screamed and cried in pain the water slapped his butt so hard it burned like he was being tased in the asshole, he tried to pull away, but he was stuck, his butt cheeks were clenched onto the faucet so tightly that it was hard to squirm off. All the pressure from the water killed him.

They were able to retrieve the turd for Steven's funeral, they thought it had been a half gem that Steven gave up his life to bring into the had no idea what to tell Greg so they didn't, they just raised the turn until it got moldy and stunk like the bathroom where Steven died, they didn't like that smell, it reminded them of arrived at Gregs van and handed him the turd he was confused till he took a whiff of the ronch turd and threw in on the ground "ju-ju-just like your d-d-daddy!" Greg weeped missing Steven, he later drove his van into the ocean and was never seen again.


End file.
